Stardust

Not bad. A little corny at times, but the characters are fairly interesting and there's some good jokey moments (there's a prince that bleeds blue, for instance). Deniro's character is priceless, too.

On a darker note, this now makes 4 movies in a row where some obnoxious a$$hole put a damper on the whole experience. This time, oddly, it was a 40-year-old couple who couldn't shut their traps once during THE ENTIRE FILM.

And there were only 8 people in the whole theater. I was sure we'd be safe from that crap this time.

Yeah, yeah, I know, "why didn't you go tell the manager?" you ask. Two reasons: 1. I hate confrontation, frankly, and I gather most people feel the same way, which is probably why 2. I always have to be the guy that does something about it, because no one else will, and that annoys me. Despite how much I hate confrontation, I sometimes feel a moral obligation to stand up to these a$$holes, because every time they get away with being obnoxious a$$holes it just perpetuates that behavior, and I'm condemning every poor bastard that has to share a theater with them in the future to the same plight. But why should I have to play the civility police every time I want to watch a movie?

I really don't think I can handle movie theaters anymore. I'm sick of being unable to enjoy a movie I paid out the nose for because I'm still fuming about a) the obnoxious a$$hole who couldn't just sit and watch, or b) the confrontation I had in the middle of the movie with the obnoxious a$$hole who answered my polite request to just sit and watch with some permutation of "go f&*k yourself."

And guess what, folks? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.

I've seen all sorts of ideas for fixing the obnoxious a$$hole problem in theater: ban cell phones, put jamming technology in theaters, give movie-goers a remote control that alerts the staff, etc. I've got one, and I'm hearing other people say it, too. It's easier than banning cell phones and cheaper than installing phone jammers and buying a thousand special remotes. I call it "the Giuliani solution": put ushers in the theaters. One employee in each auditorium, with one job: boot out all the obnoxious a$$holes, consistently and publicly.

My guess is that, if a given theater boots all the obnoxious a$$holes at every movie showing, with utter consistency and right in front of all the other movie-goers, in 6 months the theater will be virtually obnoxious-a$$hole-free. The theater shouldn't worry about lost business: I bet 9 out of 10 obnoxious a$$holes will come back after they nurse their bruised egos, and this time they'll just sit and watch. Furthermore, the theater will gain a reputation as a place where people can actually watch movies in peace, and people might actually go to the movies more. Here's a thought: after you clean out the obnoxious a$$holes, advertise about that fact.

I guarantee you it would be a lot more effective than lecturing the audience during the commercials with singing frogs or a CGI fairy godmother. The problem ain't that the obnoxious a$$holes don't know it's rude. Until they actually see people (or themselves) being asked to leave, the fairy godmother's admonishment that they'll get kicked out is just an empty threat. Just like, once upon a time, the law against jumping the turnstiles in the subway was.